after i had specifically told him that i only wanted him.. that he was the one i was interested in, he still continued to be a major scumbag… damn me and my luck with guys.. i wonder if i was really the first girl he was with.. should i ask him? okay no more texting him.. all i gotta focus on is Saturday  getting home, and loosing HELLLA weight!!!!!!!!!

I don’t know if these rules have actually ever work in my favor.. i always leave before i am hurt.. well except with Brandon because he was my first, and with Thomas because i actually liked him.. other than that Raymundo, Matthew, Samuel, Christopher, Eddie and every other guy that i have dated i leave when i have the upper hand… I don’t know how a real relationship is supposed to go, and quite honestly I don’t know how to quit the game… i tried to do with out the rules but i can’t.. I mean they are there for a reason right..??? maybe they are stupid and some people don’t get it, but they make sense to me..in a weird way i guess you can say.. I’ve been doing this since 13 and now i’m almost 21 that is 8 years of my life.. habits are hard to break right? i do think that i fuck myself over by not giving it a shot, but hey at least I CHOOSE to do so.. They can’t hurt me unless i let them…